She Bought Me A Collar For Her

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You may remember that a while ago Fleur and I had a conversation where we discussed desires with each other and I mentioned that I wanted her to wear a collar, but she was reluctant (you can read about it here). My main reason for wanting her to wear the collar is that I find it incredibly arousing. I think that girls wearing collars look irresistibly gorgeous and sexy. I also like the idea that she would wear it as a symbol of her submission to me. Since she had been reluctant I didn’t want to labour the point and so I left it, with the intention of perhaps bringing it up again quite a bit later down the road.

I was therefore very surprised when I received a few early Christmas presents from her and a collar was one of them. I’ve included a photo of the collar above and whilst it may not have been my first choice for her – I prefer leather with more buckles for different ties – it is very comfortable for her, which is very important and she looks great in it. She told me that since we have experienced more together now and because she loves me she was coming around to it. She also bought a suspender belt and some lingerie which she looked incredible in. I was so hard for her that night. I’ve included a photo of the lingerie below (the girl is a model and not Fleur).

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We had a very fun session;
She wore the lingerie for me and I couldn’t help running my hands over her body and admiring her. She looked so beautiful and she was so soft and smooth. I was very hard and sensitive to her touch. After undressing her and making out for a while, I tied her spread-eagle to the bed, blindfolded her and introduced her to more sensory play. She found the wartenberg wheel very ticklish and was squirming deliciously – I will definitely be breaking it out again after tying her more securely. Unfortunately she didn’t cope well with hot wax play. I had purchased a candle from a kink shop so that it was the correct kind of wax which melts at a lower temperature, but by her own previous admissions, Fleur is a bit of a wimp and couldn’t take much pain. We had to give up the wax play quite quickly. The rest of the session was good, but a lot of the energy and passion was lost after this fail unfortunately.

The following morning I discussed us switching roles for a future session so that she could get an idea of what being dominant is like and try performing her own sensory play on me using the wheel, hot wax etc. I think that it might help her understand both the dominant and submissive roles better, give her more confidence and allow her to experience the enjoyment that I get from her submission. I’m quite looking forward to it myself as I used to be very sexually submissive until the past year or so.

Addicted to Porn

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Fleur has gone away for a couple of days with work, and I’m actually excited about that. The reason I’m excited is that I get a little bit of time to myself and I also get to masturbate to some porn. It’s so pathetic that I’m excited about that and I really wish that I wasn’t. If you follow my blog then you’ll have read about the conflict I feel over porn, if not, you can read it by clicking here.

I love porn – the main reason is that it gives me an insight into a world that I will never be able to be a part of. It allows me to indulge in aspects of sexual deviancy that I am unlikely to be able to enjoy in person. I thought I might write about a few of my favourite porn stars and why I like them so much;

1. Hazel (Slave Hazel)
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Hazel seems to have had a very limited carer in the porn industry, but I consider her to be one of the best actresses I have come across. She manages to portray a vulnerability and rawness that is lost in more commercial porn. The majority, if not all of her roles involve her being a slave – usually a schoolgirl – who is being trained for use. A clip which is particularly great (here) shows her being trained in anal and she shows how painful it can really be. The video is heavily edited around the part where he first inserts himself as a result of obviously having to stop the scene. There is a dark, nasty side of me that really likes watching a girl being tormented in a sexual scenario.

2. Sasha Grey
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Sasha Grey is without a doubt one of the best porn stars ever. She bucks the tradition of the girl being vulnerable and from a bad background so she goes into porn – Sasha loved what she did! Sasha was pretty flexible in her roles but from what I’ve watched, she mostly specialised in being submissive. She has been in some spectacular gang bangs and bondage scenes and I’ve never watched somebody so enthusiastic about deep throat and anal. I always loved her best tied up and this is one of my favourite scenes (here).

3. Lexi Belle
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Much like Sasha – perhaps even more so – Lexi is a great all-rounder and has performed fantastically in a range of different roles. Lexi has something that I haven’t seen in many of porn actresses and that is a wonderful accessibility. She plays the role of the ‘girl next door’ better than anyone I’ve seen. I fantasize about being with a girl as loose and fun as Lexi sometime. One of my favourite Lexi scenes is here.

I really wish I knew how I could get over my need for porn. I think part of the reason I want a M/s relationship is so that I have a slave to pleasure me when I need it. I want to be able to enjoy just one woman and not need to look at and fantasize about others. I know that Fleur would be upset if she knew about how I access porn and that makes me feel bad. I also don’t like having to keep this part of my sexuality secret from her. I have reduced the amount of porn I watch since I have started dating her, but I wonder if there will ever be a time when I don’t want to watch it?

Sensory Play

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It had been a long while since we had last enjoyed a session together and we were both in need of it. Whispering my plans to Fleur had her feeling hot and breathing deeply before I’d even touched her. I was looking forward to exploring her body further and indulging her in different sensations.

I began by blindfolding her to deny her any sight and then putting earphones in and playing Mogwai’s ‘Les Revenants’ so that she could not hear what was happening around her either. The intention was to enhance her sense of feeling and help her escape from everything for a while.

I tied her in a crouched position with arms out in front on the bed. I stroked her body, feeling her breasts and nipples then slid my hand down her sides to her legs. I caressed her buttocks and then began to spank. I slapped her a few times, hard, on each cheek and she didn’t make a peep despite coming up very red. I caressed her buttocks some more in between slaps and slipped my hand between her legs. She was very wet and responded to my touch well.

I untied her for a moment to turn her over and tie her spread eagle to the bed. I tongued her nipples whilst playing with her wet cunt. Next came a new sensation and surprise for her – Ice. I drew the ice cube across her body and thighs as she struggled against it’s cold wetness. She strained against the ties when I would touch her nipples and tease her clitoris. When I felt she’d had enough with the ice I warmed her up again with my mouth. I used my mouth on her clit until she was trembling and breathing heavily, but I denied her an orgasm yet.

Grabbing the bullet vibrator I placed it against her whilst tonguing her and she came quick and hard.

Following a few minutes of stroking her body whilst she enjoyed her hard-earned reward I climbed over her and put my cock in her mouth. She was keen to give me pleasure and did a great job sucking it and taking it deep when I thrust into her. It wasn’t long before I needed to withdraw and cum all over her chest.

After cleaning her up I untied her and we cuddled for quite a while. It was probably the most exciting play session that we have enjoyed together and I’m now even more interested in getting more sensory toys.

Feeling Distant

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For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling quite distant from Fleur. I think a lot of the issue is that we have both been quite busy – I’ve had a lot on over the weekends and she has been working a lot, taking away the evenings. She has been unwell for the past week too, and all of this just seems to have prevented us from having much quality time together.

It’s been ages since we had any sexual relations and even longer since we enjoyed a kink session. A part of me is struggling; since I feel quite distant from her, I have not felt up to ‘performing’ for some pleasure. She never initiates any sexual contact between us and I often find it quite draining to always be the person initiating this intimacy and then also committing to a lengthy amount of play, since we don’t have intercourse and so it is usually oral. I’ve found myself just wanting to have a quick orgasm to porn – which I don’t really want to do because she wouldn’t approve and I keep this secret from her.

It’s not like I’m thinking about breaking up with Fleur because we are really good together. It is likely that a big contributing factor to these issues is my depression, which I have noticed worsening of late. I’m not 100% happy with the relationship as it is and I know that some work needs to be done and some uncomfortable discussions had. I do feel like I am the one putting the most effort in at the moment and it needs to be more even. How do I encourage her to contribute more without it upsetting her though? I don’t want her to worry that I might want to break up.

Testing if she is submissive

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It is not so much that I need to know if Fleur is submissive (she is certainly good at taking on the role of a sexual submissive and likes it when I take the lead during our play), I need to know how submissive she is. Unfortunately she seems to have difficulty with the most important aspects of a D/s relationship, which is openness and trust; she is not able to be open with me about her desires, likes and dislikes. I think that this issue stems from her religious beliefs. She believes that she should not have sexual intercourse before marriage – and we don’t. The Bible is interpreted differently by everybody, and many modern Christians follow this rule of ‘no sex before marriage’, but they do so as close to the line as possible. I am of the opinion that she believes all sexual activity before marriage is a sin (which is how I interpret the teachings – though I’m not Christian), but she has given in to this urge because she believes we will stay together. As such, since she feels she is committing a sin, she can not accept her desires within herself, making it impossible to share them with me.

This lack of openness does make our D/s relationship much more difficult and risky. As her Master, I want to know what excites her, what she does like and what she doesn’t like. Knowing this is important for shaping our play and deciding her punishments and rewards. At the same time, I fear that she may withhold important information from me in an effort to please me without discussing matters fully.

I want to know if she would be open to adopting our Dominant and submissive roles more within our relationship when we are with each other. I know that she likes to please me and is willing to be punished too, but I don’t know if she is a full time sub or if she would like to switch roles (which I would be open to, but I think I would find it very confusing). She does like to please me and is always pretty happy to look to me for decisions. On the other hand, she is quick to take to the role of carer if I am not well and enjoys it when I am being ‘cute’.

The other night I pushed her further to see what she might be open to in our play. It was the first time that I had introduced punishment to her;

We started out by kissing and undressing one another. It had been a while since we had indulged in any kink, so once I had her completely naked, I took the restraints from the draw and tied her wrists to her ankles behind her back in a semi-hogtie (like the young lady in the picture). I whispered in her ear exactly what I had planned for her; I explained that I was going to spank her and she was going to give me a number from one to ten for how much it hurt (one being barely at all and ten being the most she could stand). I spanked her, making her give me a number each time, as I stroked and massaged her buttocks. We reached a six on one buttocks after a few spanks and I moved onto the other. After reaching a seven on that side, I instructed her to count down slowly from five; for each number I would spank her, progressively harder until she reached zero.

By the end of the punishment her buttocks were red and very warm – it was wonderful. I rolled her over, still tied, and began to finger her clitoris. After a little while, I untied her wrists and I dry-humped her as she held me tight, until she asked for permission to cum – which I granted.

It is very difficult for me to get a good read on her. I have a feeling that she may be a switch, rather than a full time sub and that I need to discuss this with her. I just hope that our conversations on these topics can be a lot less one-sided and she can be more open and honest with me.

In Need Of Space

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I was alone for all of yesterday and it was bliss. I feel kind of guilty about that, but the fact is that Fleur and I have spent the vast majority of our time together ever since I moved into my new apartment about a month and a half ago. I’m not saying that I don’t want her there, as I do love her company. I appreciate being able to chat with somebody, share meals, cuddle and have sexy times but I think it has reached the point in our relationship where we should also be able to do our own thing around each other – and she seems to have trouble doing this.

When you’re together for twelve out of fourteen evenings, you really do start to run out of things to do with one another as a couple. Rather than be bored and start to get irritated with one another, this is the time that we should be able to indulge in our own individual activities and hobbies. Whilst I always have plenty to be doing, Fleur seems to do nothing and just distract me. 

The fact that I am an introvert makes this situation harder to cope with as I need time to myself to reboot. My energy levels dwindle the longer I spend with somebody and it was reaching the point where I had lost the motivation to initiate any sexual activity. 

I’m sort of glad that I’m not living with Fleur at the moment, but also wonder if it would actually be better if I was? Having more room and having her feel more settled might make it easier to each do our own thing? Or would I feel suffocated even more?

In other news, the D/s side of our relationship has been brushed under the carpet for the moment. I think this is partly because of my low energy levels, but also because of doubts about her submissive nature…..I’ll write more about this later in the week.

She likes to be spanked

 

 

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Fleur and I had an evening in together last night. She’d decided that it would be fun for us to play video games since we hadn’t in quite a long time. To make things more interesting I challenged her so that each time one of us lost, we would have to remove an item of clothing. It wasn’t long before she was in just her underwear. She was very reluctant to remove her bra and knickers, despite our agreement because she said she felt uncomfortable being undressed when I am still wearing clothes – I would like to remedy this as if she adopts the submissive role more, I would like her undressed for my enjoyment more regularly.

When she was naked and I was down to my boxers we moved over to the bed. We kissed passionately and rubbed our bodies against one another aggressively. Lately she has taken a strong liking to dry-humping. I believe that she is desperate to have sex, but because of her religion, she cannot allow it.  I think that she is quietly hoping to herself that while we dry hump, if I was to accidentally penetrate her, then she wouldn’t have to feel as guilty about it. There was a point last night where my cock slipped out of my boxers and could easily have penetrated her if the angle had changed slightly; She made no effort to stop and I was the one who stopped it by getting her to sit on my face so that I could bring her to orgasm with my tongue.

After she came we spooned while I stroked all over her body – she was already getting hot again. She turned towards me and started rubbing my cock whilst we kissed. I lightly spanked her – like I had been doing recently to try and gauge a response – and there was a strong one this time! She started rubbing her clit up against my thigh. I spanked her a couple more times, slightly harder and she moaned and pushed herself up against me harder, breathing into my ear, ‘I like that’.

I continued to spank her, harder to see how she responded and my good girl enjoyed every impact. I certainly didn’t spank her very hard this time, but I think I have built a good foundation to work from. She enthusiastically sucked my cock whilst using the vibrator on herself. We both came.

Collaring my Slave

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I’ve been thinking more and more about how to introduce a more defined Dominant and submissive relationship with Fleur. At the moment we somewhat assume those roles and we play with bondage a bit, but I want more and I have a feeling that, although she might be ashamed to admit it, she does too.

I want to maintain a delicate balance. Whilst I really want a Dom/sub relationship in the bedroom, I don’t want it to control all aspects of our relationship. Our personality traits do seep into our day to day life in some ways; I tend to choose what we do in our spare time, she tends to spend a lot more time at mine than I do at hers, she tends to look to me for direction. What I don’t want is a one-sided relationship where she always submits to me and doesn’t have her own life too. I don’t want her to always be wary of punishment etc. (although some lingering threat would be fun).

I have considered the idea of discussing collaring with her. I find collars incredibly arousing and I’m very turned on by the idea of making her wear one. I think that it could help her ease more into her role and be more open about what she would like me to do to her, as well as being more accepting of what I would like to do to her. By introducing the collar, we could have the rule that we only adopt our full Dominant or submissive roles whilst it is being worn. This means that I can ask her to wear it, and she can decline – though it may result in future punishment, and also if she wants to be dominated, she can choose to put it on.

Hopefully this would allow us to reserve the current dynamic in our relationship day-to-day, whilst further exploring our fetishes. If there are any submissives on here I would love to hear whether they think this would work? Do many people have Dom/sub relationships like this that have worked well?

How do I introduce spanking into our sex?

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Fleur has taken to bondage play like a duck to water. She can be a very willing submissive who will follow instructions well. I have been careful not to push her limits and to ensure that the majority of our sexual activity is still vanilla so that she isn’t overwhelmed. I was very pleased with her a couple of weeks ago, when I had her tied, kneeling on the floor at the end of my bed. I used her mouth and asked her to demonstrate how far she could take my cock in. She didn’t deep-throat me, but she took me in a long way and I believe she will be getting the message that the further she goes, the better it is. Hopefully when she is trying hard to win my approval she will continue to push her limit.

I was watching Secretary (2002) starring Maggie Gyllenhaal last week and it got me thinking about spanking. Previously spanking has never really been something that has appealed to me. I never found it particularly erotic or exciting and would often skip past spanking scenes in porn. All of a sudden it is very enticing and I’ve started to want to introduce it to my play-time with Fleur.

The thing is, that I don’t want to hurt her. I especially don’t want her to think that I want to hurt her. For me I think it could be a sensual and exciting thing to do in foreplay and be a great way to further ascertain our roles as dominant and submissive during sex. I understand that trying to introduce it into our relationship if she doesn’t understand could go very badly. At the same time, she is a very submissive and shy person and I often don’t know what she really wants to do, but is too afraid/ashamed to ask for or admit to. If she is excited by the idea of spanking, then it could be a massive moment for us. I would really love to open us up to longer sessions and more sensation play. I would love to introduce things like Warternberg wheels, nipple clamps and more. By introducing more uncertainty, it will heighten excitement, anticipation and ultimately pleasure.

I just don’t know the best way to introduce it. Over the past few days I’ve been paying more attention to Fleur’s ass and giving it very light spanks – which are more like pats, to see how she reacts. I figured that if she appears to react favourably, then I could try pushing a bit further and then talking to her about it and how she feels. So far I haven’t had a reaction though and I don’t want to push too far without communicating about it first. I think that spanking could be an important gateway tool to further sensation play.

If anybody has any experience of introducing a submissive to spanking, pain or sensation I would really appreciate your input?

Hard and Soft Limits – Fantasies

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I’ve had BDSM and sexual thoughts on my mind all week following last weekend’s events. I think that I was unsure that I would ever be in a relationship with somebody who liked it when I was in control in the bedroom and was happy to experiment a little. Obviously, at this point, I don’t know exactly how much Fleur would be willing to try. It is very much a matter of easing her in. I want to make sure she knows over the next few weeks and months that we don’t always have to have kink in our sexual activities. I want to make sure that she is always comfortable, that I don’t do anything she isn’t 100% excited about and that I give her amazing orgasms. I want to give her fantastic pleasure. She is so restrained in a lot of her life and always puts others before herself, so she deserves it. I also want to build up her trust in me, so that she might be willing to try some more adventurous things as time goes on. I really want to have an exciting sex life. I want us both to experiment and remain passionate for one another.

I thought it would be interesting to go through a BDSM limits check-list, mainly for a bit of inspiration. I was going to post the full completed check-list on here, but I completed it in word and apparently WordPress doesn’t like coloured text. I did get a bit of inspiration from it though and I thought I would write a little bit about ideas that excite me;

Bondage
This has always been the big turn-on for me. I used to practice bondage on myself and my toys when I was a kid, before I even knew it was a kink. I’m so glad that Fleur is happy to experiment a little with bondage. It was incredibly hot having her tied spread eagle, completely naked on my bed. I look forward to trying different ties on her and seeing her in all these helpless positions. There are so many other types of bondage I’d love to try; Saran wrap, suspension bondage, whole body restriction bondage, chains, under clothes bondage, spreader bars, prolonged bondage…..etc.etc.etc.

Anal
This is always a tricky one. Anal has a bit of a bad reputation and I think it would be difficult to find many girls willing to give this a go. I’ve always enjoyed using anal toys on myself (and anal toys, like small butt-plugs, may be the best way to try and introduce it) and I think it is something everyone should try. I don’t know if it is the ‘ick’ factor or the imagined pain that puts most people off? I would certainly get a massive hard-on to tie Fleur over a chair or sofa and have anal sex with her. I’d also like for her to fuck me with a strap-on. I’m doubtful this is an avenue I will ever be able to pursue, which I think is a shame.

Breath Play
Another scary one for most people. This is scary because there are obviously risks involved and so it has to be done very carefully and you have to be able to fully trust the other person. I like the excitement and danger of this and I’ve always wanted to try breath play, both as the receiver and giver. In a relationship, I think this is a very powerful display of trust, which is a big turn-on too.

Clothing
I’ve not really had much experience of this. My ex-girlfriend wore lingerie a couple of times for me and it was a big turn-on. I really love the look of a girl in lingerie. I’d like to explore this more and possibly other clothing too. I’d consider costumes, such as nurses etc. though they aren’t a big deal for me. I would quite like to see Fleur in PVC at some time, as my submissive.
I’m also going to put collars under this header. Collars are a massive turn on for me. I would really like Fleur to wear one when she is adopting the role of my submissive. My issue is that I’m not entirely comfortable with liking collars. Whilst I’m very turned-on by the idea of role-playing sex slavery, I wonder if I’m a bad person because of it? I think that in our relationship, anything we do is for mutual pleasure. I wonder if slavery would swing that balance completely out and make things weird?

Examination
I’m really turned-on at the idea of doing a physical examination. Paying close attention to every single part of Fleur’s body. I like the idea of her undressing, then me examining her. After examining her, I would wash her in the shower, then perform a detailed examination of her genitals (and possibly anus) using medical instruments.

Sensation Play
I think this is a must. BDSM is all about sensation and the excitement of it. I’d love to tie Fleur up, blindfold her to enhance her other senses and then play with her body for a length of time using ice, fire, hot wax, instruments, vibrators and my body.

Pain
This sort of comes under sensation play. Pain has always been quite a big turn-on for me. I enjoy receiving pain in sexual scenarios (It heightens everything for me). I also get turned on by seeing girls in pain in sexual situations. I think it is not so much the pain but the determination and the dedication to their partner. If somebody is willing to endure pain for their own and partner’s pleasure, it is very commendable. I don’t think that Fleur will be interested in exploring this avenue, but I hope she will consider dipping her toe in over time.

Forced Exhibitionism
This would only be in private (as with everything else – sharing is not something I would be interested in at this time). Whilst Fleur is adopting the role of my submissive at home one day, I would like to force her to be naked for me. I think it would be very exciting for me and hopefully help her gain more confidence in her appearance.

Recorded Scenes
This can include both video and photo. I’ve always been turned on by the idea of this. I like porn and looking at other people in sexual scenarios. I would like to have a porn of my own to enjoy. I would want to keep any identifying footage private, but I have also seen blogs where they share unidentifiable photos and videos of submissives. I like the idea of other people enjoying what we do and people being jealous of what I have with Fleur.
I don’t think that Fleur would try this. She almost certainly wouldn’t be happy with sexual photos of herself being posted on the internet, even if they were unidentifiable. I don’t know if there is a chance of sexual photos of videos at some point, but if there is, it would be a long way down the line – probably after marriage. Without asking, she had made it quite clear in the past that she wouldn’t make these.

All in all, there is a lot that I would like to try. I’m really hopeful that Fleur will trust me enough to at least give most of it a go and find out for herself if she likes it. From the way she is around me, I think she is pretty obsessed with me and she feels like she is not worthy of me and that I might have settled for her. This may mean that she is willing to try a little bit harder to ensure she maintains my interest. I love her and hope that if she does try these things, it will give her loads of excitement and pleasure.