Fleur and I are moving in together. It’s been a little while coming since I initially asked her a year ago – though that was more out of desperation and convenience than actual desire. I told her to ask me when she was ready and a few weeks ago she did just that. We viewed a couple of flats and earlier this week we saw one which we agreed upon. I will most likely pay the estate agent fees tomorrow and they will take it off the market.
I’m excited about the move, but mostly because it is a big change. I’m always excited about big changes because they provide me with an opportunity to re-evaluate myself and make a shift from the existing daily routine. I’m also incredibly nervous about this.
I’m not entirely sure whether living with Fleur will be a good thing. The issue is that I have doubts about our relationship and I feel that the only way to test it is to push it further. Living together will either be brilliant and bring us much closer together, or it will bring divisions to light and eventually tear us apart.
My biggest concern is actually her attitude. She often appears to be a lazy person:leaving piles of clothing on the floor, not discarding rubbish and putting little effort into her appearance. I consider laziness to be an incredibly unattractive personality trait because it tends to seep into all aspects of a person’s life. I could live with her being a bit messy or disorganised, if those are purely characteristics of their own, but if they are a symptom of laziness then I don’t think I could put up with that. Laziness would make our relationship extremely one-sided and that’s sort of how it feels right now.
I’ve been in a really bad mood for the past 24 hours because when I spoke to Fleur on the phone last night she ranted at me about how her job sucked whilst she was working. It was an awful conversation because whenever I was talking she would be reading or typing and, as such, not really listening to me. Unfortunately this is something she does a lot, Also, in the 20-30 minutes that I was on the phone with her she didn’t ask how I was or how my day went – the conversation was entirely focused on her. This is regrettably also a common theme within our relationship. I don’t want to feel needy and it’s not really like I would have had that much to say – I just want to be asked.
I know that I need to communicate about these issues with her, but I don’t really feel able to be open with her at the moment because I know that she isn’t being honest with me. She communicates in sub-text far too much and that forces me to do the same. I want a relationship where we are comfortable talking to one another but that doesn’t seem to be what we have right now.
All of the problems that we are having will need to be discussed before too long – I’m not naive about that. My concern is that the difficulties we are having are partly a result of her having a lazy personality, which is something I don’t think can be fixed easily. If all of this is because she is lazy, will I need to break up with her? Could I?