Last night Fleur and I had a really terrible play session together. It was the first time that it hasn’t really been any good between us and the whole thing was quite a hit to my self-esteem and has raised questions about our relationship.
Fleur tends to be very lazy in bed, which does frustrate a bit. She will initiate sexual contact roughly once every other blue moon and she is very content to just lay there and let me perform for her. It’s not that she is selfish, as she is always willing to return the favour when I give her an orgasm, but it is always on me to get us both heated up and excited. She never really contributes anything to building the mood, which she normally puts down to lack of experience/imagination.
Last night was very difficult from the set off. We were both ready for bed and cuddling on top of the covers. I was feeling her body and she was getting very ticklish and struggling (as per usual). When I started to undress her, she stopped me and said, ‘Perhaps I should make you work harder for it tonight?’. This put me off right away, as I always put a lot of effort into making her feel comfortable and sexy. That evening I had gone out in the rain to meet her when she got in at the train station and I had loaned her my credit card when she had forgotten her purse – I’m not saying for a moment that this makes me some kind of hero and that I deserve sexual favours as a result, but it shows that ten months into our relationship I am continuing to make an effort and be romantic for her, so for her to give me a hard time later on in bed was a bit unfair of her, in my opinion.
I started kissing her more passionately and feeling her more. I climbed on top and tongued her nipples and rubbed myself up against her. During this she was yawning and also laying almost perfectly still, like a corpse. I stopped because her attitude had killed my mood completely and I didn’t really want to have a session with her if she wasn’t into it – that’s so far from exciting! She started it up again, saying that it was just taking a little longer than normal for her to ‘warm up’. After a while I went down on her, with a lot of apologies from her because she hadn’t shaved down there and she doesn’t like me going down when it is not well groomed.
She reached climax and I moved up to cuddle her. She grabbed her phone from behind her head (which I balked at in disbelief) and she made the joke that she wanted to check that she hadn’t accidentally called somebody. I joked and imitated her saying, “Oh, hi Dad! *nervous laugh*”, to which she responded very negatively and claimed I had, ‘ruined the moment’ (something which I am frequently accused of – though not always unfairly). After a moment she began rubbing me and giving me a blow job.
This week I have pretty much run out of my supply of anti-depressants because I am waiting to get an appointment with my GP. As a result of this, I hadn’t taken one yesterday, which meant that my premature ejaculation issue resurfaced and I came very quickly and unexpectedly. Fleur wasn’t ready for it and as a result the orgasm was very disappointing.
After it all, I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep by myself. The big issues for me were that it took so much effort on my part to get Fleur in the mood and that she continued, despite her initial behaviour suggesting she wasn’t interested.
I’m not sure whether this is a bad patch or if our sex life will end up like this? I’m very happy to take on the dominant role, but if she won’t fully adopt the submissive role, then it leaves us in this awkward position. There is no continuation of these roles outside of each session, which I would quite like. If there were, then I could train her to be a better submissive and improve both of our sex lives. I think the main reason she wouldn’t extend the roles is because she is a staunch feminist and cannot find a way to combine being a feminist and a submissive.