It is looking as though my relationship with Fleur will be very rocky over the next few months. The main reason for this is her work – or rather the effect that her work has on her. She’s now in a very busy period for her job which won’t end for about three months. During this time she will be working much longer hours and will be under more stress than usual. Unfortunately Fleur doesn’t cope well with stress at the best of times and it makes things difficult between us. I do my best to be there and offer support whilst trying to lift her mood, but the results are mostly negligible whilst draining me significantly.
Over the weekend Fleur was getting very stressed about returning to work and was having mild panic attacks. She likes to have orgasms when she is feeling like this to help her relax, but on the Friday night I was incredibly tired and not really feeling in the mood. On the Saturday morning I began to play with her but she was acting really strange. I stopped and we talked about it – she was worried that I wasn’t in the mood and was only doing it for her because I knew that she wanted it. I did know that she wanted it and that was the main motivator for getting me in the mood, but I wanted to do it. She seemed to have trouble trusting my intentions and motivations and that hurt me. I discussed with her that her distrust in me was upsetting and she kept arguing that it wasn’t that she didn’t trust me, it was because of her stress making her paranoid. I didn’t really understand this argument – trust is trust – you either trust somebody or you don’t in my opinion.
We sort of patched things over and she eventually left to visit a friend. She surprised me by coming back in the evening very apologetically and in a somewhat better mood. We indulged in some oral sex which was very enjoyable and she stayed the night. The next day she continued to hang around, cancelling her other plans. This was frustrating to me because I had spent the vast majority of the past two weeks with her over the festive period and she was getting more and more boring. The problem is that she wants to spend time together, but has no suggestions of what she wants to do. I have plenty of activities and hobbies to keep me busy at my home, but she wasn’t bringing anything to keep herself occupied. When I suggested we just sit and read books for a while she complained that she didn’t want to read because it made the time go too quickly and that means that she would be starting back at work sooner. She wanted to drag out each second that she could, but dragging out her own time didn’t appear to be enough – they do say that misery loves company!
I’m rather glad that I am able to get a bit of a break from her over the next few weeks whilst she is working a lot more. I feel like I need a little bit of personal time and that I will appreciate her more when I see her. I just hope that she won’t always be in a very bad mood and project those feelings on to me. She has mentioned that she will probably be too tired or not in the mood for sex play over the next couple of months, which will be difficult.
I do care a lot for Fleur and a lot of the time we are really good together. My biggest problem is her obsession with this job that she despises as it seriously damages her mood and makes up roughly 90% of what she talks about. I hope that things will be better between us when she has a different job – though I am worried they won’t be.