It’s been quite a while since I last posted anything and the main reason is that I haven’t had all that much to say. So this post is mainly me saying that I don’t have a lot to say…
My relationship with Fleur continues to tick along. I love her, but for quite a while now things have been a bit stale and repetitive between us. It’s not really her fault as she works so much that we don’t get sufficient time to do anything out of the ordinary together and I’ve also been much less enthused and adventurous for reasons unbeknownst to me. Sadly, the kinky side of our relationship has almost completely disappeared at the moment. This was primarily driven by my lack of libido a while back. I seem to have regained some of my sex drive, but it isn’t as high as it used to be. I get very excited and aroused at the idea of doing things with other people, but not so much with Fleur. She isn’t really honest enough with herself about her sex drive and tries to hide it from me, instead encouraging or manipulating me to take the lead every time. I like being dominant, but it can be exhausting with her a lot of the time. I find myself captivated by the idea of a Master/slave relationship, but I don’t believe I could ever have that with Fleur. I fear that I may never have that at all and it is disappointing and frustrating knowing you cannot have something you desire so much. I want it so much that I would almost call it a need.
We’ve decided that we are going to move in together in a few months time. I don’t know how this will change the dynamic of our relationship exactly, but it will definitely have an impact. I am anxious whether it is the right thing to do, but I am excited for a change from the current regime.
I hold on to the hope that when Fleur has quit her current job in about six months time, it will be a lot more enjoyable to be with her again and a new spark will ignite. If things were to continue as they are then, despite loving her, I think I would need to end it as neither of us are happy in our lives right now. Spending all of my spare time trapped in with her whilst she works and has regular stress attacks is pretty miserable and suffocating.